This isn’t by, I’ll see you later…..hopefully Part 1

Last year I lost the most important person in my life. I never thought that would happen, I always assumed they would be there for me till the end. I guess in a weird way they were, they couldn’t keep going with life and eventually the ending naturally came. A feeling I have never felt before took over.

I couldn’t accept the truth, they were gone and I spiraled. I didn’t know how to handle everything that came after. I was mad while I tried to be happy. I searched online what people did so I started to exercise. I cooked, I got new hobbies, I even tried speaking to new people. Non of it worked and as much as I tried to deny it, eventually it all came crashing on me. Anger took over and it pushed me to break the one promised I made to them. I promised I wouldn’t hurt myself.

They had always made me make that promise to them. Always putting my well being ahead of theirs, always better than I ever deserved. Their smile, their voice, I’m starting to forget them and I realize that. A familiar feeling is starting to creep up but thankfully I am getting help. Even though you won’t know, I promise to stay safe. Our anniversary is coming up soon.

I’ll try my best to not be depressed. I’m starting to accept that you’re gone and even if I can’t see you again. I won’t say by to you. I’ll say what I alway did in our letters.

Till next time,

Laterz beautiful.

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