Can’t adjust

Right at the peak of the spiral I made my biggest mistake of my life, my only regret. It’s been haunting me since and I’ve yet to adjust to that change in my life.

I pushed away the greatest of friends I’ve ever had.

Anyone that knows me or has met me would assume Vic is my one true best friend and I don’t blame them for that. I keep certain aspects of my life to myself, not just online but I’m person. Vic is pretty much a buffer that helps me stay calm, keeps me peace of mind and as much as he means to me he’s not number one.

My number one, I met at the halfway point of my life and Vic accepted that better than he probably should have. They are the one I managed to push away. Just like Vic this person has been there everyday since becoming friends. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would lose them and they probably thought I would never treat them like I did.

I was a terrible friend to them in the end, I pushed them away and there’s a breaking point we all reach. I guess I made them reach theirs, I broke the trust we build and the friendship we formed. I never got the help I needed and the cost was my best friend. It’s been several months now since we last spoke and they’ve been terrible. I’ve tried rebuilding my life to a point I think I’m ok? but there will alway be an empty hole in it. There’s nothing that will ever fill that up and that’s all my fault. My lack in judgement, refusing to get help, admitting I needed that help, it cost me a dear friend and it’s only made my life harder. I’m not sure why but writing has helped me in some weird way. I accept my mistakes and the price I paid.

Where ever you are, I wish you the best. Maybe one day we can talk again?


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