The fear of death?

It’s something I’ve never really had, early on I made due with it. I know the time it will happen as I’ve seen it before. I don’t take unnecessary risk but I also don’t play it safe. I’ve tried to enjoy my life to the best of my abilities but recently it’s been hard. My mental health and physical health have taken a beaten and it’s lead me to a place I never thought I would end up. I never admitted to myself the problems I suffered and for the first time in my life I celebrated Christmas with Sparky alone in a studio. I love Sparky so much, he deserves better than what I have ever been able to provide him. I needed an outlet, I don’t have many people I can talk to so I’m writing what I can. They found something in my throat, hopefully it’s nothing but I deserve it I guess.

I finally got help for my mental health, it’s hard to go on from where I landed but I’m trying my best. I’ve lost dear friends and family but I’m still alive I guess. Death still doesn’t scare me but saying hi to it was an experience I don’t wanna see again till my designated time comes. I don’t know if I’ll do another blog like this but I needed something to talk to. I’m working on videos cause otherwise my mind starts to wonder.

I needed help I finally got but now to see what life brings me since apparently my Christmas gift was….. I’m terrible at this but man it feels ok writing what’s been going on in my life. Later everyone and unlike me, I wish you all some happy holidays

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